How it Feels When You’re an American b
y Karen Storey
My 19 year old dual national daughter doesn’t get it. She was born and raised in Britain but has always been an American citizen through me. Indeed, this was the only passport she held for the first 18 years of her life. Last year, she finally applied for, and received her British passport. She can’t understand why I still haven’t gone for mine. I can’t fully understand it either. It seems I have some strange emotional block in taking this final step. I came over to the UK when I was 20 years old. At the time I hadn’t intended to stay, but life took over and 36 years later, I’m still here! ”You have lived here longer than you have in America.” She says to me “Why don’t you just do it?”. As I search for an explanation I find myself fumbling with the answer, that maybe it has to do with spending my childhood pledging my allegiance to the American flag. She finds this odd, as kids in England don’t have an equivalent ritual. I describe how every morning at school my classmates and I, hands on heart, recited this pledge. Yet, nowhere in the Pledge of Allegiance did anyone ever say “I pledge my allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and any other country that I happen to somehow end up living in one day”.
I tell my daughter that for me, it feels disloyal to take another citizenship. “Well then, isn’t it disloyal of you to be living here?” she asks. She has a point. So I say, “Perhaps, in my head, I’m sort of balancing it out by holding on to my sole nationality and passport.” That is the crux of it. My instilled sense of loyalty from my childhood is the impractically sentimental reason why after 36 years, I still hold only an American passport with indefinite leave to remain (ILR) in Britain. I was curious to see if I was alone with this feeling, so have been talking with a few other American expats settled in Britain.
Cate Linforth is originally from Chicago and has been living in the UK for over 12 years. She came to the UK for University. Now, married to a Brit, she finally decided to apply for British citizenship in April 2017.
She tells me: “I’d been struggling with the decision ever since I got my ILR back in February 2013. Part of me didn’t want to get it because of the amount of money I’d already paid to the Home Office, and I didn’t technically NEED to. However, once I met my now husband and started to realise that I didn’t really have any intention of moving back to the US, I decided that it made sense to think about citizenship, not least because of the recent change in politics in the UK, as well as Brexit. It no longer made sense to be living and working in the UK, but not having any say in political changes happening over here”. Cate goes on to say that she had to fight to stay in the UK because of changes in legislation. She explains “I think that previously I’d thought that under my ILR I was invincible, but the reality is that if I had to move out of the UK for 2 years, for whatever reason, and wanted to return to the UK, I’d be back to starting point.” I had asked her if applying for dual nationality brought up any mixed emotions, and she tells me “I think even now I still struggle with the idea of being a British citizen. I’ve never been particularly patriotic, but something inside of me, valid or not, thinks that if I become a British citizen, it would almost make me less American. I’ve been losing my accent gradually over the last several years, no longer easily tan (hello permanently pasty skin!) and not least I really struggle to identify with the general populous sometimes in the US, but I had a real internal struggle about what it would mean to get my citizenship”.
I completely identify with the thought that Linforth Family somehow obtaining a British passport could make one feel less American. Having lost my own New York accent gradually over the years, sometimes it feels like the only part of me left that’s still American is the blue passport in my drawer.
Cate continues: “I really struggled internally about getting my citizenship. I don’t identify as British, I’ve always felt like a settled American in Britain. Getting my citizenship felt permanent to me. My whole adult life, I’ve been foreign. Whether it’s not quite fitting in to the UK because I sound different, or being seen as foreign by my own friends and family back home because I’ve picked up British phrases and colloquialisms, I’ve not just felt ‘normal’ for a very long time. I was wary about how my citizenship would change that. I don’t think that was helped much by my friends and family in the UK saying ‘Well, you’ll be British now’. I didn’t, and still don’t feel ‘British’. I don’t sound British. I think by resolving it I had to remember that it was a formality for me. It meant that no one could ever make me feel anxious about my immigration status in the UK again, and that perhaps I would feel better about politics and government, knowing that I could start to do my bit to make a difference. And I wouldn’t have to sit in one of those hideous lines at the airport anymore. And let’s be honest, by choosing to live in the UK for the last 12 years, I kind of have pledged allegiance“.
I ask Cate about her citizenship ceremony and she tells me: “My ceremony was in December 2017, and I felt really apprehensive in the lead up to it. My husband unfortunately wasn’t able to come because of an international work trip, so two of my best friends from University decided
to be there to support me. I was excited to finally be at the end stage, after so many years and so many thousands of pounds spent on immigration. I never had to worry about how the government’s immigration changes would affect me again. But would it make me feel less American? Would I no longer be able to say with such confidence that I was American? I wasn’t sure if it would taint any of my American-ness if that makes sense. The ceremony itself was actually quite emotional, as one of the Deputy Lieutenants for the West Midlands was an immigrant herself. She showed such empathy for the struggle that everyone in the room had gone through and the opportunity this brought to us. She really validated what a tremendous achievement it was. My girlfriends both made such a special day of it, going out for cocktails and lunch as well“.
Cate reflects on becoming a dual national and tells me: “I’m pleased that I’ve done it. I’m pleased that I can now vote in any future elections, and hold office if I so choose as well. I’m pleased about the doors that open in terms of easier access to commonwealth countries“. Christina Davies, another American expat, now lives in the West Midlands with her husband and four children. She has also been here for 12 years. Her children are already dual nationals. She and her husband are in the process of applying for their British citizenship. Christina tells me: “
We’ve invested a lot in our lives here and they really are here when I think about it. My husband and I started our married life here. My children were born here. We have paid through the roof for visas and ILR for the privilege to be here. And of course, I finally got a Land Rover!”.
She continues, “My husband and I both travelled extensively (domestically and internationally) as children and into our adult lives before coming to the UK., but England has still opened a world for us that we wouldn’t have known existed without living here. It has had a large part in moulding us into the people that we are today. For all of that, I am grateful“.
Christina adds: “Don’t get me wrong. I am proud to be American. I am grateful for my country and I proudly defend it almost daily. I flexi-school my children, and do an American curriculum on the days they are with me because of how important it is to us that they understand the incredible history and amazingness of the country that they are a citizen of, that they hold a passport for, that they explore a few weeks a year, and for a country where their entire extended family lives. I think we live in a state of confusion. When we get on a plane to fly Stateside we say we are ‘going home’, and then when we board a plane to fly to the UK, we also say ‘we are going home.’ But I also think we are extremely blessed, to be able to say that we are home in more than one place, in more than one country, on more than one continent. That is why we are applying for citizenship”.
It’s these final words from Christina that have got me thinking that dual citizenship perhaps does make sense emotionally, not just practically. She tells me, “We will be truly home whichever side of the Atlantic we are on. I will always consider myself to be an American, but with the extra privilege of also being a citizen of the UK. God Bless America and God Save the Queen!”.
